Before I Go
by Kitty le Fay
Summary: The six times Audrey and Duke have sex and the one time they make love.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Greetings, citizens of Haven! This is my first Haven fanfic and it's basically an excuse for smut because we all love smut. I mainly wrote it because, of course, I love Duke and I actually think he's a better person for Audrey than Nathan because apart from the fact that she always seems more comfortable around him and the fact that he seems to have more respect for her choices (even if he doesn't always agree with them), but I really don't like Nathan as a character and I hate how the later seasons became more Nathan's story than Audrey's.**

 **That being said, I may or may not write a Duke/Audrey/Nathan smutfic in the future because yay polyamoury!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

It's raining when she knocks on his door. Pouring, in fact, which is why it startles him to find anyone at his door in the middle of the night, let alone in such harsh weather. As of late, he hasn't done anything particularly worth noting (that he's aware of) so it couldn't have been the cops. Of course, it turns out to be _a_ cop.

"Audrey!"

Her smile is forced. "Hi, Duke. Can I come in?"

"Of course." He opens the door for her; a gesture he would only ever do for her. "Can I get you something to warm you up? Tea, coffee or maybe something stronger?"

"No," she quickly answers. "That's not what I'm here for."

Before he can say another word, his mouth is stopped with a harsh kiss. It isn't anything like a first or second kiss and it's certainly nothing like what they shared in…

He shakes his head of the memory and moves to pin her against the wall, kissing her neck until he stops at the chain that hangs from it.

"You're wearing the locket I gave you."

She nods, panting as she reaches between them to stroke the growing semi through his pants. The sensation makes him shudder.

"It's why I'm here," she whispers between the kisses she trails from his earlobe to his neck, making him moan instead of asking her what the hell she is talking about. "No more talking, now. I want you."

He nods and leads her to the bedroom, stripping layer after layer of clothing from her body until she is half-naked and on his bed, crushed under his weight. If she had been anyone else, he would have simply fucked her against the wall and be done with it. But this isn't just anyone, he reminds himself. This is Audrey.

There is nothing gentle or romantic about their foreplay. Duke finds himself surprised, though not unpleasantly, by the way Audrey takes charge. Normally, he is the dominant one with the women he sleeps with, but his head is suddenly spinning with the mental image of her cuffing him to the bed and having her way with him, not allowing him to come until she tells him to.

Their struggle for dominance is almost violent, leaving bruises and bite marks on both bodies. She pulls his hair. He grabs her throat. She scratches his back. He bites her nipples. Finally, she has him naked and on his back with his entire length in her mouth. He gives in, moaning and cursing. His left knee starts to shake like a dog having its belly scratched.

"Oh, fuck!" he cries. "Don't stop! Don't fucking stop!

"Stop. I don't wanna come yet."

She nods with a wicked smile that makes his cock twitch and moves to sit astride him, pulling him inside her. As she begins to move, Duke recalls seeing a painting of Venus when he was a boy on a school trip. The goddess now seems, to him, an old hag compared to the image of Audrey touching herself as she rides him.

The boat shakes when they come together.

The storm passes when it's over. Audrey rests her head on Duke's chest, listening to his heartbeat, while he makes constellations out of the freckles on her back. He stops when he finds the locket resting on her shoulder.

"What are you doing here, Audrey?"

She laughs softly. "At the moment, letting my limbs recover."

"That's not what I mean. Why are you here?"

Audrey looks up to Duke with an unfamiliar twinkle in her eyes, holding the locket between her fingers. "Because of this."

Duke's brow furrows. "I don't follow."

"I was just looking at it today," she explains. "It got me thinking about things; about you, about me, about how little time I have left here and…well, what happened in…"

 _Colorado. Fucking Colorado._ "Okay…"

"I don't know why I kissed you, but I think you know that I only stopped because I didn't want to ruin anything. Your friendship has always been important to me and if I'm going to disappear soon, it would _kill_ me if your last memory of me was of how much I screwed it up."

This does nothing for Duke's confusion, let alone his comfort, but he continues to listen nonetheless. "Okay."

"But then I thought about it and I asked myself: what if I'd already screwed it up and not in the way I thought I would? What if I'd just ruined what we _could_ have had instead of what we _already_ have?"

Duke furrows his brow. "Okay."

"Then I asked myself something else: what if I _didn't_ ruin what we have? What if I actually made it into something better? What if it turns out to be the best days of our lives, no matter how numbered mine are?"

"Okay."

"Duke, please say something other than just 'okay.'"

"Okay," Duke shakes his head and curses himself under his breath. "Um…I'm still not sure if I really follow."

Audrey smiles weakly and shifts to his level to caress his cheek.

"Duke," she says softly. "I only have so much time left in Haven. I don't want to spend the rest of that time wondering what might have been."

"What _do_ you want then?"

She answers with a chaste kiss.

"I want to give us a chance," she says. "Even if it doesn't work out, at least it'll leave a good memory behind when I'm gone. What do you think?"

Duke says nothing but mirrors Audrey's gesture with another stroke to the cheek and another kiss.

"I think," he finally tells her, "that this might be a terrible idea, but it's worth a shot."


	2. Chapter 2

Audrey wakes with an unusual case of déjà vu. She remembers waking up naked in this bed before, but for vastly different reasons. The smell of fruit and fresh coffee, however, she does not remember. Once her limbs regain consciousness, she manages to slip on the nearest shirt within reach and finds Duke in the kitchen. He's making waffles, of course, and is wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. He greets her with the brightest smile when he sees her.

"Good morning!"

"Morning," she says with a kiss. "Making breakfast?"

"Most important meal of the day, isn't it? Especially for a sexy cop who could probably use an energy boost after last night."

"I've never had anyone make me breakfast before."

"I've made you breakfast before."

"You have, but no one else has. Not like this."

His brow furrows. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. Not since living in the foster home, anyway."

"Well, I can guarantee you a much better meal than any foster home can offer and _then_ I can pick a few bones about how to properly treat a lady in the morning. D'you want tea or coffee?"

Audrey laughs warmly and hugs Duke's waist, resting a warm kiss on his shoulder. After another kiss to his neck, another to his cheek, his lips and another and another, she reaches before him to turn the waffle iron off.

"I've got a better idea," she tells him. Her voice is deeper and softer now, sending a cool thrill unfurling from gut to groin.

The waffles can wait. Breakfast, on the other hand...

Duke turns to face Audrey and back her into the nearby table, kissing her so deeply that it makes her knees weak. Once he has her on the table and is settled between her legs, he unbuttons the shirt she wears but doesn't dare slip it off her body. Ridiculously turned on by the sight of her in his clothing, he stares at her as though she is a feast before trailing kisses down her front until he is on his knees and buried between her legs.

His kisses are unusually gentle around her cunt; not what she wants at all. He takes his time, kissing her pubic bone, her thighs, her labia and her clitoris, mercilessly teasing her until he has her begging: "Please. Please, Duke!"

Since she's nice enough to say please, he rewards her with a long lick along her labia before devouring her. He is reduced to the state of a starving man when he tastes her. Quick to learn her anatomy, he makes her writhe and moan within minutes before she starts shaking.

She tastes so much sweeter when she comes.

Coming down from her orgasm, she opens her eyes to find him smiling at her, his lips dripping with her juices so she can taste herself when he kisses her.

"So," he says. "Tea or coffee?"


	3. Chapter 3

She shouldn't be at the office this late, but duty calls. The rest of the team has gone home, where she should be, enjoying a good meal, a stiff drink and spending time with…whatever Duke is to her now.

Massaging her neck, she takes note of the mark he left there. People noticed. Nathan pretended not to notice. Dwight noticed but said nothing. Claire noticed and teased her relentlessly about it.

"Who's the lucky guy?" she kept asking, but Audrey would never tell. She would only change the subject and find herself playing with the locket that Duke gave her. She hasn't taken it off since they first slept together.

 _Knock! Knock! Knock!_

Startled, she looks up from the paperwork to find Duke at the door with a bottle of wine in hand and a smile on his face.

 _"_ Hey!" she says. "What are you doing here?"

"Nathan told me you were working late, so I thought I'd surprise you."

"With wine?"

"Don't all cops drink on the job on a late night?"

"Yes, but it's usually lukewarm vending machine coffee spiked with cheap whiskey."

"Well, it's a good thing I have better tastes than that."

He shouldn't be here and he should get back to work. She should kick him out and tell him to wait for her back to her place with a good smack on the backside. She should, but she doesn't. She shakes her head of all the things she should do when she feels his hands on her waist.

"Besides," he tells her. "You have been working Haven's finest ass off and you, above all people, deserve a fucking break."

Or a break for fucking, she wants to say, but doesn't. She only enjoys the way his hands feel on her body when he kisses her.

One kiss turns into another, then another and another until he has her back to her desk. He is already hard once has her in little else but a half-open blouse within seconds. A smirk plays at the corner of his lips when his hand sneaks its way into her panties and finds her already wet.

He finds himself fascinated by the different reactions he gets from every move he makes. Studying her closely, he watches the way she shudders when he teases her clit and the way she writhes when he inserts one finger, then two and then three at just the right spot. He smiles when he sees her biting her lip to keep from screaming when she comes.

She's a half-naked mess of moans and groans and he still looks at her like she's a work of art.

"I love seeing you like this," he moans. "You're so fucking beautiful."

 _So are you,_ she wants to tell him. _You are a beautiful person from the inside out and you don't even know it._ There is so much she wants to say, but can't bring herself to. All she can do is watch the way his eyes darken when she opens his jeans and reaches for his cock.

"Fuck me," is all she can say. He nods and pins her down as he enters her because only for her would he do as he's told.

The desk soon begins to shake. He's rough with her and still she begs for him to move faster and harder into her. Her pleas are only answered when she pulls his hair or bites his neck.

When she closes her eyes she can just imagine that they're like any other couple, or at least like any other friends that fuck. No Troubles, no Haven, just her boyfriend fucking her raw on a late night at work.

Boyfriend? Can she even call him that?

He comes with a guttural cry of her name and she follows soon after, shaking against skilled fingers.

When it's over they simply talk. They share the wine he brought and talk about everything and nothing. For a moment, Audrey is happy, blissfully happy, and all because she's sitting next to Duke, talking and sharing a bottle of wine in her office, of all places.

Then the moment is gone.

"Hey," he coos. "What's up?"

She smiles weakly. "Nothing. I was just imagining…I wish things were different."

Duke's smile is just as weak, even as he kisses her forehead.

"I know," he says. "Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

Duke stays at Audrey's place this time. He has been near dead silent on her sofa, staring at his father's journal for almost an hour, barely able to down his second glass of whiskey.

"Are you okay?" she asks for the umpteenth time.

He nods stoically. "It's just a lot to take in. I feel like I should be used to the Troubles by now, but when one goes all wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey on you…"

She smiles weakly and nods. "If it helps, even _I'm_ not used to them. They're too unpredictable."

"No shit."

Managing to gulp down his glass, he leans into her open arms, comforted by her touch. He practically purrs when she strokes his hair. For the first time since he came back he smiles, knowing that he's home now.

"I was right, though."

Her brow furrows. "About what?"

He looks to her with a certain twinkle in his eye that she is all too familiar with. "About you being a redhead," he says. "It's a pretty hot look on you."

"At least you've got your zeal back," she chuckles and kisses his forehead. "D'you think I should make an appointment and go ginger?"

"Oh, absolutely! You could probably invest in a sexy nurse outfit, while you're at it."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"I'd love it. Maybe with some cute fifties-style lingerie?"

"Now you're going too far."

"Just trying to spice things up."

"Oh," she says, her voice low. "I can take care of that."

The very tone of her voice is enough to make him stiffen, but before he can ask what she has on her dirty mind she stands to lead him to her bed and push him onto the mattress. It's a side of her that he's never seen, but he likes it. When she moves to sit astride him he is already swelling between her legs as she kisses him. Clothes fly off, but she doesn't dare let him touch her underwear.

"Wait here," she whispers.

Only for Audrey Parker would he do what he is told. He has to bite his lip to keep from groaning at the view when she bends over to search through her bag. Haven's finest ass, indeed.

It's what she finds, though, makes him hard as a rock.

"Okay," he says. "I think I can safely call this a better idea than a sexy nurse outfit, but couldn't you get in trouble for using those for recreational purposes?"

"Only if you tell Nathan, which I know you won't."

"And how do you know that?"

When Audrey makes her way back to the bed, she kisses Duke so deeply that he momentarily forgets his surroundings until his hands are cuffed together. His hands are bound above his head when he opens his eyes and she is sitting astride him with his cock in her hand and that wicked smile on her face.

"I know," she tells him, her voice soft and sultry. Her hand moves before he can respond. "Just relax, Duke. Enjoy this."

And he most certainly does. He shudders when he feels the tip of her tongue teasing his cock, trailing a long and slow line from the balls to the tip until she practically swallows him whole. Her hands are firm and her mouth hot. Shaking, he resists the urge to break out of the cuffs so he can grab her by the hair and take her, but her clever mouth renders him weak and helpless.

Moaning and cursing, he repeats her name like a mantra until he feels himself getting close.

"Audrey," he growls. "I…fuck, I'm gonna come!"

"I know, Duke," she tells him and quickens her pace. "Come for me."

He does and she swallows every last drop of him.

With a triumphant smile, Audrey crawls over Duke's spent body with chaste kisses trailing from his chest to his neck until she releases his hands from the cuffs.

"Are you okay?" she asks one last time.

He answers with a chaste but attentive kiss. "I'm ecstatic."


	5. Chapter 5

Almost fully healed from the fall, Duke spends well over an hour in the bathtub with Audrey sitting astride him. She insists that he cannot possibly bathe on his own in his state, which–though not needed–is an offer he doesn't dare refuse. They have already washed, but have not bothered to move and there is an unfamiliar smile on her face.

"What's that look for?" he asks.

"Nothing," she shrugs. "I was just thinking about how well you handled Ginger at the office before you two ran off. I didn't know you were so good with kids."

"Well, there are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"Oh? Such as?"

He stops and thinks for a moment. "Such as...I'm a proud Slytherin, I secretly love _Wuthering Heights_ and I meant it when I said I was afraid of bananas."

She bursts out laughing. "How can you be afraid of bananas?"

"They're weird! They look like big yellow dicks that were bent the wrong way and you have to peel their skins off to eat them. They freak me out."

She laughs heartily, not sure whether he is joking or not.

"What about you?" he asks. "What don't I know about you?"

She also stops to think. "I'm a Gryffindor and I have a soft spot for Jane Austen."

Duke raises an eyebrow. "So," he says. "By definition, this _should_ make us mortal enemies. I'm feeling slightly betrayed."

She laughs again and kisses him to make up for the offence.

"Really, though," she continues. "How did you get so good with kids?"

His smile fades for a moment but quickly returns as he leans up towards her.

"Can you keep a secret?" he asks.

"Depends."

"Well, keep this one: I've always wanted to be a dad."

Her brow furrows. "That's hardly a deep dark secret."

"It is if you imagine the likes of me as a dad."

"I dunno. I mean, I can't really see you behind a white picket fence, but I think you'd make a good dad nonetheless."

He smiles weakly. "You'd be the first."

"I'm serious, Duke. You've got a bigger heart than you give yourself credit for and you could teach the kid to fish and swear in several different languages."

He laughs softly but is still barely able to smile. "Maybe I could teach 'em how to handle the family Trouble, while I'm at it."

She wants to smile back. She wants to give a good answer. She wants to reassure him. She wants to imagine what their future would be like. She wants to look forward to silly things like moving in together, having children and possibly getting married. She wants to ignore his Trouble as much as he tries to, but for now all she can do is kiss him.

The kiss he gives in return is almost wistful. He already begins to stiffen when she moves to hold him closer and his kisses trail down to her breasts, devouring them like a starving man. She reaches down between them, stroking him to the point of hardness and savouring ever sound she elicits from him.

"Audrey…"

She shifts her pelvis and moves to slowly sink onto his cock. He scratches her back when he feels her around him, further marking her and making her shudder. She returns the favour with a sharp tug of his hair and a hard bite to the neck, marking him. His groans become more erratic with every movement she makes.

He holds her close enough to crush her when he comes. When he recovers he uses his fingers to help her follow, watching intently how his touch makes her writhe and moan until she's screaming.

Their embrace is tighter than ever when they recover and for a moment she imagines they're like any other couple. He will never admit it, but so does he.

The bathroom is a mess of soapy water by the time they make it out of the tub. "Worth it," Duke winks.


	6. Chapter 6

"Why did you dance with him?" he asks.

"Because he's my friend."

"Mine too, but _I've_ never danced with him like that."

"It was just a dance, Duke."

"Looked like more than that."

This conversation goes around in circles that could burn a hole in the ground until she has to prove her point by stopping his mouth with her own. For the first time she feels teeth in his kiss and he has her pressed hard against the wall within seconds. They practically tear their clothes from their backs before he turns her around, grabbing her by the hair and taking her from behind.

Instead of kissing her, he bites her; instead of caressing her, he scratches her; instead of holding her, he crushes her and she loves it. She loves the way he sinks his teeth into her skin like a wildcat catching its prey, the way he marks her body with his hands and his mouth, and the way he growls the filthiest things into her ear as he fucks her. She especially loves the way he growls when she scratches him in return.

"You close, Audrey?" he moans and strikes her hard on the backside when she doesn't answer. "Answer me!"

"Yes! Yes, fuck, I'm close!"

He strokes her clit as a reward for her answer.

"I want you to come with me."

She does and he bites her hard on the shoulder and growls like an animal when he comes.

He's gentle with her when they both come down from their orgasm, tending to the marks he left on her skin with the softest kisses.

"I didn't hurt you too bad, did I?" he asks, once he catches his breath.

She smiles and shakes her head. "No. I liked it."

He smiles back with a sigh of relief and leans his brow on her shoulder, kissing the angry bite mark he left there.

"I guess that's what they call make-up sex," he says. "I'm sorry for being a dick."

"You're forgiven. We just had a fight. We're starting to sound like an actual couple."

He laughs heartily. "Perish the thought! Soon we'll be fighting about who forgot to do the dishes or take out the trash."

They would easily take trash over Troubles, but neither will admit it.


	7. Chapter 7

It's raining again. It was raining the first time they had sex, so it only makes sense to her that it rains the first time they make love.

The evening starts off like any other. Duke stops at Audrey's place for a visit, with alcohol of course. He's soaked to the bone by the time he makes it to her door, but smiles because he at least sees her and has a bottle of whatever shipped from wherever in hand.

"I thought you could use something to warm you up," he tells her, but she laughs because she knows that's not why he's here. Not that she's complaining, of course. She has nothing to complain about.

He doesn't bother to dry up. He just opens the bottle, pours a glass each and they drink to Haven. They tell jokes and stories and match each other drink for drink until his hand is on her thigh and he gives her _that_ look. It's different, somehow, but it's still _that_ look. Soon, he's kissing her so deeply that it causes a cool thrill to unfurl from the pit of her stomach. He's never kissed her like this before. When they make their way to her bed and the clothes fall into piles on the floor, she tries to kneel before him and suck him, but he stops her. There's something different in the way he looks at her when he shakes his head.

"Not like that," he says before kissing her again. "I want to make love to you."

The term is strange to Audrey because she can never say that she's made love with anyone before, let alone with Duke. They've fucked before, they've had sex and they've slept together several times, but they've never made love.

Still, she nods and kisses him.

Once on the bed, she welcomes his embrace. He hugs her tightly, but not enough to crush her. He has spanked, bitten and bruised her and yet he holds her as delicately as he would a porcelain doll. His hands are rough but gentle to the touch and he tends to each bruise and bite mark that he left on her body with an unusual tenderness. He's never been so gentle with her before.

Her name sounds like a prayer on his lips when he enters her.

They move slowly, savouring each and every last thrust. She traces the details of his tattoos as delicately as he traces every curve and crevice on her body because she wants to memorize him. She wants to know him from the inside out.

Both her breath and pulse begin to quicken. Her pace becomes more erratic as the heat rises from between her legs. His embrace tightens, just as she tightens around him, and his breath is hot on her neck as he whispers roughly into her ear:

"I love you, Audrey."

Their climax comes and goes, but she wants it to last forever because she knows that when it ends, so will this…whatever "this" is.

 _Love,_ she tells herself. _This is love._ You _are in love._

"I love you too, Duke."

She can feel him smiling against her neck, but can't find the strength to return it. Coming down from her orgasm suddenly feels like waking up from a dream. One minute she was happy, purely and blissfully happy, and home. She's home. The next minute she knows that at some point she will have to let go.

Let go of Haven.

Let go of Duke.

Let it all go.

The very thought causes her throat to swell and her eyes to burn. She can only hold back her sobbing for so long before the tears fall on his skin.

"Audrey," he says, trying and failing to wipe away all of her tears. "What's wrong?"

It takes all her strength to find her voice.

"I don't want to go."


End file.
